Her name spoke of Germanic strength and drive.  A Viennese woman whose childhood was cut short:  She and her father ran from Hitler when she was 10 years old.  Once in America she was abused by the nuns, fought her way through the male dominated world of academia to obtain her Ph.D., and dealt with a mother incapable of love for her child.  She packed away these many wounds and more in the suitcase of her own dominate will and forged ahead.  She ran from her wounds as she had run from Hitler--efficiently, struggling to live free, and hoping for a new horizon.  When her 42 year old daughter died of a brain tumor leaving behind 2 grandchildren under the age of 6 she could run no more.  In the flood of feeling that followed she found the weakness that would be her greatest gift:  her capacity to cry and grieve and feel the wounds of the present and of a lifetime.  As if one loss wasn't enough her best friend's daughter died of a brain tumor shortly thereafter and a daughter in law followed.  She broke over the threshold of sorrow to find connection with friends and family in a depth she had never experienced before--one human being in need of love hurting with other human beings looking for that same love.  

 

 

My dream at age 36... I was looking into a pond of water, sitting next to Jesus and seeing a reflection..."She's beautiful!" I said.  "Look again," Jesus replied. Suddenly I realized that it was I reflected in the pond, and I was beautiful.  That was the "crossing of a threshold", the beginning of accepting my whole self as a whole and Holy woman... body, mind and soul, rather then ignoring my body and pretending it wasn't there.  The familiar "fat and ugly" demons were replaced by the image of allowing my body a seat at the table, along with voice and vote.  Instead of ignoring aches and pains, I attended  to them, asking what my body needed and attempting to respond.  My journey towards integration was aided tremendously by the Enneagram  (www.enneagramdiscovery.com) and by therapeutic yoga taught by Laura Cooper and Paige Robinson (www.therapeuticassociates.com). We are each whole and Holy beings, invited by God across a threshold to accept our self worth, beauty and holiness!  It's not about perfection but about accepting and giving thanks for who and what we are!

 

"Door #1, #2, or #3?":  George Carlin, the comedian, used to do a bit on Let's Make a Deal where a contestant can't decide and picks each door about six times.  Paralyzed with greed and the fear of losing, Carlin's contestant finally resigns himself to a door only to be told:  "You've just won a Brand New Ferrari!" Relief in the audience sets in as luck has had its day but then Carlin's character says:  "Oh, no, we already have a small car!"

Carlin lampoons greed, having way too much, and seeing choice as an opportunity for fear and a hope for luck. 

Basing our choices on core values (see the threshold "returning to values" for more detail) doesn't mean that we aren't full of fear at times.  People trying to live from their inner spirit, their authentic selves don't avoid paralysis.  We get as overcome as the next person, but we haven't bought into the solutions or pathways that are outside us.  The Spiritual guide and writer, Tilden Edwards, reminded his disciples that the ancient mystics knew that behind every desire we have is the desire for God, for the love that created us.  It is safer (read less fearful) to stick with the tangible desires but at some point the Ferrari is too small and our inner guide offers us experiences/choices that can and will open us to fleeting Ferrari's and eventually to finding that we're standing on Holy Ground at every moment. 

Threshold Journey is an offering of support in community ("where two or three are gathered I am in the midst of them') to those who know paralysis only too well. Your leaders are folks who meet their own paralysis with the trust that any desire can lead us to the Spirit who created us.  More often than not it is the path of pain that brings us to our true home--Threshold Journey is a pilgrimage dedicated to bonding together as we travel toward "home" and healing.

 

 

Suddenly rediscovering what's of value gives us a sense of renewal and an injection of energy.  A poem comes to mind:

                           i who have died am alive again today,

                                 and this is the sun's birthday;

                  this is the birthday of life and love and wings;

               and of the gay great happening illimitably earth

                                                                             ee cumings

I remember sitting in a staff meeting, a gathering of leaders, where slowly but surely the mojo in the room began to ebb away and we all were experiencing the numbness of little accomplishment and wasted time.  We were "dead" to ourselves and to one another yet couldn't stop arguing and talking as if that might break the spell.

Our wise leader offered us a way to become "...alive again today..." She reminded us to return to what we valued; that what we decided as a team needed to be based upon what we valued. Stated another way, our choice needed to mesh with what we stood for and the reasons we existed in the first place. 

Threshold Journey exists to support those who are becoming aware that they are not "...alive again today,..."  We provide a quiet space where people can discover again that they are standing on Holy Ground, that their values are alive and well but just need some time and quiet and reflection to awaken again to the "...birth day of life." Threshold Journey can offer a spiritual companion for crossing this threshold or just the quiet time to listen to one's soul in an inspiring natural setting. 

Our daughter was finishing her high school senior year in Wales and was trying to decide which college she would attend. Via Skype and eventually confidential text messaging we sat with her over cyberspace as she explored the options, made clear her list of pros and cons, and spoke from her heart.  As we've always included our kids in family discernment processes like job searches or other important decisions, she was familiar with a model for deciding. 

When we ended up texting the same, exact idea at the same time from 5,000 miles away and reading each other's note seconds later, it felt like the Spirit was guiding the process. Almost immediately, we and our daughter experienced what we've learned to call, "a full body goose bump!" Times of knowing are powerful for all involved and perhaps made more powerful with the waiting in the midst of the unknown. 

If Parker Palmer is on the mark and I believe he is, then discernment is not a matter of finding good advice or determining what would be successful; rather it is touching the core of who we are and doing so by being held by others while our spirit speaks. Everything else ends up being static on our inner radio if we focus on what is beyond us. Through quiet time in sacred space, individual spiritual direction with the hope of uncovering what your Wholeness is saying to you, and  journeying with others on retreat, Threshold Journey makes available time, place, and quiet for discernment.

Any crossing of a threshold comes from within the individual and at times we go it alone, intent on using no resources beyond us and dependent on no one.  The pain we feel, the grief we bear is too bare or raw to share with any other, at least for now.  Part of the wonder of life pours over us in the insights or meaning found in moments of solitude, in journals of reflection, or in places of awe and beauty.  A walk, daily quiet, solitary places, inspiration in poetry, events in a book, dreams to consider, the passion of creativity...

We have a Roy Vicker's print of Chesterman's Beach, near Tofino, British Columbia.  The words inscribed on it are these:  "The Storyteller:"  Storytelling is the ointment of the healer.   At times we do well to mull over and over our story, telling it to ourselves until the Spirit's ointment takes root.  At others times we need to risk sharing our story in community in order to cross that threshold.